The Way I Loved You
by EverWonderWhy
Summary: Life is full of wonders. Enjoy life? Yes. Be depressed in life? For me, yes. Bella Swan just lost her only love. How will she take it? One shot. WARNING: Might make you cry. My best writing yet...


**_Okay so I really felt like writing a One-shot. And I wanted it to be depressed. IDK why. I just felt like it would be a lot better than a happy one-shot. Why? No clue. _**

**_Enjoy my first one-shot. _**

**_BTW: The underlined part is just what this story is about. _**

_The Way I Loved You_

Life brings pain. Why? I don't know. It's just how it is. It's full of disappointment, fear, wonder, happiness, pain, and more pain. 

The more and more you get into life, the more let down you become. It's sad, yes. But you learn to live with it...soon enough. 

I walked into the girl's bathroom, feeling the pain in my chest growing. _He's _dead. When he died, he took my soul with him. He took my whole reason of living with him to the heavens above us.

I opened a stall and walked in, setting my bag on the hook on the door. I sat down on the toilet, taking the little razor blade out of my pocket. I moved the sleeve of my jacket upwards, staring at the paleness of my skin. Should I? I want the pain to be gone, don't I? Yes. I do. I want it gone. Away. Forever.

I slid the blade across of my wrist, pain welling up. I stared as blood rushed up and flowed across my skin, dripping to the floor. Dizziness filled in my head from the smell of blood. Suck it up, you stupid wimp, I yelled at myself. I quickly grabbed toilet paper, cleaning my wrist off.

Then I noticed it. The pain in my chest was no longer there. It was in my wrist. For some reason, I liked it being on my wrist than in my chest. It felt...more relived. I...liked it. I grabbed my stuff and pulled down my sleeve, leaving the stall. Good, no one was in here to hear me leave a stall and not flush. I quickly made it to the door, bumping into to a small freshman. I moved along, feeling people bumping into me as they hurried to their next classes. But my mind was somewhere else.

It was focused on how good the pain felt.

Better than the pain _he _left me with. Much, much better.

_"Bella, stop moving!" Alice yelled, as she tried to fix my hair. I sighed, letting my arms fall limp at my side. I sat straight so she could finish my hair so I could get out of this hell. _

_"Alice, red or blue?" Rosalie said, coming out of the closet. She held up two shirts. One red, was short sleeved, showed cleavage, but was long. The blue ones sleeves went to your elbow, showed nothing, but went up to your waist, unlike the red one that went slightly below your hips. _

_"Pick the blue on, it looks better on you." Alice said, tugging on a piece of my hair, trying to get it to behave like the others. Rose mutter thanks and went to go put on the blue top. _

_"Do I do the kissing booth?" I asked Alice. I looked at her expression in the mirror, she looked amused. _

_"Yes, Bella. You do," she said. I pouted. _

_"I don't want to kiss boys I don't know," I protested. I could hear Rosalie's laugh from in the closet. She came out, looking like a model like always. She was wearing the blue top with light blue flowered skirt. She had on 3'inch black high heels. Her long blond hair flowed down by her side like an angel. Her body had many curves that many girls would die for. Her face was like that Greek Goddess. She made anyone jealous. _

_"Bella, Bella, Bella. What are we going to do with you?" Rosalie said, sitting on Alice's bed, tapping her chin._

_"Let me stay home," I suggested. She playfully glared at me. _

_"And you miss out kissing all those guys, I don't think so." she said. I sighed and Alice giggled. _

_"Finished!" Alice said, turning me so I could look in the mirror. I looked...decent. My brown hair was curled, half put up, the rest laid by my body. My slim body was dressed in a beautiful light blue sundress. I had on black flat, after an hour of begging Alice. My face was pretty, but not beautiful like Rosalie. I had no curves. I was a stick. My pale skin didn't stand out too much. I had to admit. I looked kinda nice. I turned to Alice._

_She was short, pixie like girl. Her short black hair was put up in spikes. She was wearing a light pink shirt with a even lighter pink short skirt to follow. She had on hot pink 4'inch heels. She was beautiful, not like a Greek Goddess, but just the same. Her body had no curves, but she still could pull off any clothes she wanted. _

_"Ready?" Alice's mom called. We all yelled yes, before running down that stairs and right out the door. _

_We got to the carnival fast. I hated this carnival. Every year us 'Little Misses' had to dress up and put on a carnival for the rest of the small town of Forks, to raise money. Every year, Rosalie's, Alice's, and my mom would sign us up against our wills. Well against mine. They likes being in the 'Little Misses'. I on the other hand found no use for it. We don't live in the 20th century anymore. Why do we need to be elegant?_

_"Come on Bella!" Alice yelled. I hurried to follow, staring at all the other booths as I passed. _

_"Do I have to?" I whined. Alice pinched my arm and I yelped. "Fine," I said, as we reached the kissing booth. _

_Mine and Rosalie's mom stood in a booth next to it, holding a game thing. _

_Jessica Stanley stood in the kissing booth, her face miserable. I started to back away, but Alice and Rose grabbed my arm and pulled me forward. _

_"Oh Bella! Good it's your turn!" she said. I gulped and moved over to Jessica._

_"Good luck. How did I get gum?!" she yelled, running off, whipping her mouth with her hand. Shit. _

_I kissed and kissed. I felt like it was never going to end. I collected forty-two pieces of gum. Gross, huh? Trust me it is. _

_I finished kissing a gross freshman, who desperately needed a fresh mint. Next came a guy who made my breath catch in my throat. _

_His bronze hair was messy on his beautiful head. Her eyes were piecing green. He looked like a Greek god. He was dressed in a black Tap-out shirt, black skinny jeans, and converse. He was tall, maybe like a head taller than me. He was muscular, but not too muscular. _

_He just stared at me, his expression matching mine. _

_"Stop staring!" the boy behind him whined. The guy snapped out of it and started to lean in. I leaned in too. Then he stopped. I stared at him in confusion. He handed me a ticket and got up. Then he walked away, Alice, Rosalie, and me staring after him. _

_"What the?" Rosalie whispered. I shrugged. Then I went back to my job, but my mind couldn't stop thinking about the guy the with bronze hair..._

That was the first time I met him. Why did he leave? He never told me. Maybe because I kissed about a hundred boys before him. Maybe I had the bad breath of the freshman.

Now I'll never know...

I'll never be able to ask him, because he's dead. He left me to go to the heavens.

The second time I saw him was better...

_I walked down the sidewalk, hoping to get home so I could already read. But then a guy on a skateboard came coming down. He tried to stop, but crashed into me. I fell on the sidewalk, butt first. My pants got mud of them. Alice is going to kill me. Then I looked at the skater. Bronze hair..._

_"I am so sorry," I said, starting to stand up, but just falling back down. He just stared at me. I looked around, looking for my new book. Where is it? I looked at the bronze hair boy. He was looking at something in his hands. My book. He looked up at me, then reached to hand me my book. I took it from him, feeling the warmth of his body heat just from his hand. _

_"Are you okay?" he finally asked. Oh his voice! It sounded like velvet. _

_"Y-yeah." I stuttered. He chuckled, getting up, then holding a hand out to me. I just stared at it. _

_"I'm not going to bite," he said. I nodded, slowly grabbing his hand, allowing him to pull me to my feet. _

_"Thanks," I muttered. _

_"You know, people shouldn't walk long distances in heels." he said. I looked up at him, smiling. _

_"My distance isn't that long," I said. He raised an eyebrow._

_"Your Chief Swan's daughter, right?" he asked. I nodded. "Then you have a long distance." he said. _

_"So," I said. He just chuckled. _

_"Hop on," he said. I stared at him, then his skateboard._

_"Uh...yeah I'll pass." I said. He laughed. _

_"Come on," he said. "I'll hold on to you. Trust me," he said, looking into my eyes. _

_"How should I trust you? I don't even know your name!" I protested._

_"I'm Edward," he said. I sighed and took off my shoes. I stepped on his skateboard. It moved a little, causing me to move with it, but Edward put his arms tightly around my waist, keeping me from falling. Then he started to walk. _

_We talk the whole way. Edward really is a good guy. I think I really like him..._

That was when I first started to fall for Edward Cullen. He was my Savior. The only person I could be happy with. We were friends at first, but I knew we both wanted to be more.

We fought at times like couples, but we were happy. Truly happy. When I was with him, I felt like I was up in the clouds. Nothing could hurt me. I was safe, protected forever. I could be happy forever when I was with him...

_"Shut up!" I yelled, trying to get away from him, but he kept his tight grasp on my arms. I moved around._

_"Bella, stop! Listen to me!" he yelled. But I didn't want to listen. I wanted to be away from him. I wanted to leave. I wanted to get away. _

_"Leave me alone!" I sobbed while I stopped struggling. I let my hands fall to my sides and him hold my body to his. _

_"It's okay, Bella. Everything is going to be okay." he said, trying to comfort me. He held me close to his chest, stroking my hair. I sobbed into his chest. I didn't want to believe it. My mother had passed and Edward had tried to comfort me. _

_"No, it's not. You don't know anything! You have a happy life! You mother is still alive!" I yelled at him, getting out of his chest. _

_"Bella..." he said, sighing. I turned away from him. Tears rolled down my cheeks, I could taste the salt water in my mouth. I hugged my self._

_"No, no, no. Go away!" I yelled, turning to him, pushing him away. He stumbled backwards._

_"Don't start," he said, sounding pissed. I was more pissed. He didn't understand. He didn't understand anything!_

_"Go away," I said, with as much venom in my voice I could manage. I pushed his chest again._

_"Stop it Bella," he growled. I pushed him again._

_"What are you going to do about it?" I asked. He growled again._

_"Stop it," he said. I pushed him once more. Then he grabbed my hands and pulled them away from his chest. He held on so tightly I felt like my fingers were breaking. I cried out in pain. Then his face changed. From anger it went to stunned. He let go of my hands and stepped away from me. He turned around and started to walk away._

_"Edward!" I yelled, running after him. I turned him around and planted a kiss on his lips. Our first kiss. It was amazing. His lips moved along mine roughly. His tongue begged for entranceand I gladly allowed. Our tongues played a game of wrestle. I repeat, it was amazing. He brought his lips away from mine._

_"Girls and their stupid mood swings," he whispered, before kissing me again. _

Our first kiss. It was just the beginning though. Many kisses after that.

Many good times. It was just the start of us.

I quickly hurried into the classroom, taking the farthest seat in the back. I stared at the board, not listening to anything else, but my thoughts.

"Isabella," the teacher called. I looked up to see Mr. Banner staring at me. "are you...okay?" he asked. The whole class turned to look at me in wonder. I nodded, staring at my sleeves. After a moment of staring at me, the class moved on, thankfully.

They continued to talk about the life cycle of germs, but I only listened to the whispers around me.

"_I hear she's emo now," _

_"I heard she is going to kill herself tonight,"_

_"Don't be surprised if she doesn't come to school tomorrow," _

_"Good, Edward's out of the picture. Maybe I can get in," _

_"Shut up, Mike." _

_"Just keep swimming, swimming." _

Yeah, I have no idea about the last one, but most of those were right. I do cut myself. I am planning on killing myself. Edward is gone. Edward's..._gone._

No, I will not be emo. I will not kill myself. I promised him and I am going to keep my promise. I have to. For him.

I grabbed my razor out of my pocket before setting it on the ground. Then I left the classroom. Right in the middle of class, Mr. Banner calling out my name, people staring at me.

_Edward and I hurried out of school, laughing as the pudgy teacher chased after us. After we ran a few blocks down, we slowed to a walk. _

_Edward put his arm around me and pulled me close. With his other hand, he grabbed one of mine, holding on tightly._

_"I love you, Isabella." he whispered in my ear. I smiled up at him._

_"I love you too, Edward." I said. He smiled his famous grin. I stared back up at him, adoringly. He kissed my lips, gently before looking ahead of us. _

_I could hear the sound of the tires scratching on the road. Edward pushed me away fast enough, only to be hit with the minivan in return. I cried out his name. The van took him with it as it struck a tree. I screamed. _

_"Edward!" I yelled, running towards them. The person in the van was trying his best to get out, but the door wouldn't budge. I could already hear the sound of sirens coming. But my mind was foused on one thing. _Edward.

_I hurried to him, watching as he moaned out in pain._

_"Bella," he kept saying. I got to where I could see him, grabbing on to his hand._

_"It's okay, Edward. Don't close your eyes and everything will be alright." I whispered, trying to move him. But his voice stopped me._

_"Stop, Isabella," he whispered, clearly in pain._

_"No, I can get you out!" I protested. "You can't leave me!" _

_"I won't," he said. He took his hand out of mine. "For I will always be in here." With that he pointed at my heart. I felt tears roll down my cheeks. He moaned again._

_"Edward, no! Please, no." I whispered. People started to fill around us, calling our names. But I ignored them. My attention was only on one thing. _

_"Bella, listen to me for once! I'll never leave you. I'll be watching over you forever. Bella, it's my time to go. You have to promise me something first." he said. I nodded, slowly. "Promise me, you'll be happy. You'll live life just like before I was there. You'll grow old. You'll get married. You'll have kids. Promise me." he said. I grabbed his hand away._

_"I promise, Edward." I said, holding tightly to his hand. _

_"Goodbye, my Isabella. You'll always be my first and only love." he said. Then someone started to pull me away. I stuggled and kept yelling his name. _

_"Edward!" I yelled. My father pulled me into his arms and allowed me to sob into his chest. But I turned around._

_I could see him looking at me, but his chest wasn't moving. He wasn't moving, because he was dead. The love of my life was dead._

That was the last time I ever saw Edward Cullen.

I still remember him though. The way his messy brozne hair always got in his face. The way his laugh made anyone smile. The way his smile made my knees weak. The way his emerald eyes made my heart melt. The way his lips felt against mine. The way his voice made me feel amazing.

The way I loved him...

**What'd ya think? Nice? Too depressing? Bad? Terrible? Tell me the truth! =]**

**Please review. I love your reviews. They make my day!**

**Much love,**

**Lorissa**


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